50 shades of grey

This guy is so embarrassed he's 50 shades of red.

That 'Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2' trailer almost stole some thunder tonight because I pretty much forgot that we were getting a brand, uh, spanking new, Beyoncé-accompanied trailer for '50 Shades of Grey.' Shady move, Blart. The second full trailer for the upcoming adaptation of the popular 'Twilight' fan-fiction erotica novel is here, so let's break it down, shall we?

We won’t know exactly how graphic ‘50 Shades of Grey’ is going to be until we see the film with our own cursed eyeballs, but we now officially know that the film has been given an R-rating by the pearl-clutching members of the MPAA. What does that R-rating stand for? Graphic nudity, “strong sexual content,” and “unusual behavior.” Wait, what the hell is unusual behavior?!

One of the great celebratory moments of 2014 was seeing Ben Affleck nude in 'Gone Girl' (and a little bit of Neil Patrick Harris too, if you were paying attention). It's not as if us women are male-nudity-starved, craven maniacs just salivating for a glimpse of wang or something, but with all the rampant female nudity and objectification that permeates pop culture, it's nice to see a little equality. So it's disheartening to hear that Jamie Dornan will not be appearing fully nude in '50 Shades of Grey,' as if that movie needed another reason to be avoided.

Here's how you know that you've got a real cultural phenomenon on your hands: when you don't even need to call it by its correct name, and everyone still knows what you're talking about. Such is the case with the E.L. James book '50 Shades of Grey,' which will soon be a movie called, well, '50 Shades of Grey.' Wait, '50 Shapes of Grape'? What did you say? It doesn't matter, you still know what we're talking about here.

Mark Bomback, who has given us such screenplays as the action-heavy 'Live Free or Die Hard,' 'The Wolverine' and the upcoming 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,' has taken a unexpected turn. The writer is now set to tackle the script for '50 Shades of Grey.'

Bad news, '50 Shades of Grey' fans: Charlie Hunnam has cracked the whip and dropped out of playing Christian Grey in the upcoming big screen adaptation of the beloved softcore novel. We're not sure how you'll break this news to your mothers, but our thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

This week it was announced that Dakota Johnson and Charlie Hunnam were cast in the lead roles for the movie adaptation of the popular sex manual 50 Shades of Grey. The internet acting as it does to these announces and LOST THEIR DAMN MIND.