Charlie’s Five Deadly Sins Of Hosting A Super Bowl Party: A Rant
The Super Bowl is this weekend. Friends and family will be gathering for big parties. Whatever you do, don't do these things.
Here's my 5 Deadly Sins of Hosting a Super Bowl Party.
1. Pretending Cauliflower Is Anything Other Than Cauliflower
Cauliflower is not mashed potatoes. Cauliflower is not buffalo wings. If you do this for your Super Bowl party, you should be ashamed. Cauliflower is the hair-weave of the culinary world. It's nothing but lies.
2. Your Craft Beer Collection
Your craft beer collection is your problem, not mine. As one person stated, drinking craft beer isn't a personality trait. Just because you've beat your taste buds into submission, that doesn't mean you have to punish mine too. I prefer Miller, but Bud and Coors work just fine.
I would rather get a colon cleanse with Natty Lights than sample your craft brew.
3. Veggie Burgers
If you're serving meat that isn't meat, I'm calling you a borderline fascist. You chose a lifestyle of eating the stuff you find down at the feed store. Don't make that choice for the rest of us. Make the horse food for you, and make mine medium-rare.
4. Wearing Your Dallas Cowboys Jersey
There's always that one guy in the room. Look man, your team lost. It sucks, but it's real. Leave your Dallas Cowboys jersey and your Dallas Cowboys commentary at home. I don't need to sit and listen to you cope with the PTSD that comes from rooting for "America's team." You got a new coach. Who knows? Maybe God will show you guys grace next year.
5. Reminding Every One How Much You Hate Sports
We all love the commercials. It's a part of the fun. What we don't love is hearing you bring up how much you hate sports and are only here for the commercials every five minutes. You want an award? You want a cookie? Needing some attention are we?
Stop the "I hate sports" virtue signaling. It's annoying.